I Do Not KNow How People Have Lives and Jobs at The Same Time

In the past several weeks, I have had any number of high-end life problems.

You know, the ordinary, everyday sorts of buggeries that bedevil us when we are not surviving a tropical tragedy or waiting for chemo and radiation.

Item: My iMac was confounding me with strange messages and awful slowness.
Item: My internet was downloading as if I were using a phone modem in 1995.
Item: My Magic-Jack was working 10% of the time. The other 90% of the time callers could not hear us or we could not hear them.
Item: Someone in Italy was renting a car with the credit card I used last August in Florence.

What happens in cases such as this is very simple: We dial the support numbers. (Note to ATT: Your On-Hold Muzak is the worst and may be losing you cash money. Porn flicks spend more on their music and it sounds better too. Oh, and when the tape loop gets to the end it stops, making the caller think the technician is picking up. Hundreds of times.)

(Note to MAGIC-JACK: Your on-screen live chat works fine until you almost get to some sort of solution when it dumps your customers who then recommence again and again—not a redundant grammar error, let me tell you.)

Love the CitiBank people: they are in the business of not losing money (theirs and then yours) and they are responsive with lightspeed when you are helping them stop fraud.

I bypassed the Geniuses at APPLE and went straight to a local independent contractor and he fixed my problems quickly and well. Support your local contractors.

I have not enumerated these ills to enlist your pity. it is you I am feeling sorry for. What do you do when these devils occupy your world? You have things to do all day. Kids with running noses and adolescents who wander around dripping sarcasm, arbitrageurs looking to downsize you to a 1962 VW Beetle. Your time is not your own.

BUT: I can stay on hold forever…well, until I die.

So, let me tell you two things: 1) Retirement is great because you can spend your time doing really dumb things without turning into a serial killer. 2) Your lives are really hard and I feel your pain. Well, actually, I felt your pain for 43 years or so. I don’t feel it so much today. Time is really a valuable commodity. Enjoy it.

Oh, andBTW: I wrote this during the 35 minutes I have been on hold at ATT’s “help” line. The recording said it would be 10 minutes. Bwahahahhahahaah!

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